put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize