i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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