Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
