I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
