Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
