Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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