It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
