Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
