Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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