just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize