What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
