I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
