Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
