Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Say something about gay babies.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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