People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
