Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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