I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
People in love make me want to vomit
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
