I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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