guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
