Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize