Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
