I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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