you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
