I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
