I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
