we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
