Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
