I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
