all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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