Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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