I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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