You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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