Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
