The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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