You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
