theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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