i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
