Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
