Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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