The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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