Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
