I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize