Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
