I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
