lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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