A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
