It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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