So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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