but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
