ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
