i don't like sucking hair
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
