I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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