the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
