I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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