Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
