hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
