She said her name was "party"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
zippers are such a cool invention
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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