Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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