I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I had to cum in my sink.
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