Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
