I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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