Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
No subtext here. People are naked.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
you never un-have a 4some
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
