i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize