this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You left your underwear on the fireplace
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
