You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
