i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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