We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
