im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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