i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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