i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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