alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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