he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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