can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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