What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
