How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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