we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
