I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
