One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
