i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
