the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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