Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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