Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
