I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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